Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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