Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
