where am i from again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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