Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
