ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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