I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
