paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
