so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
