im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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