i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
