when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
