If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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