he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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