Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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