i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
