There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
