my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
