I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my liver is dry heaving
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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