Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
