Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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