Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
