I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
