he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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