The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
