Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
