that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
