I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
