have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
