it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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