spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
