i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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