she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is the high leading the old right now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
