if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
