I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
