at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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