Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
