got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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