I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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