i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
