We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
