I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
