you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
