Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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