And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
