Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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