So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
