My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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