mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
