We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
