Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
