I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
